It is with a heavy heart that I am announcing a two-month hiatus for The Bipolar Parent. For the past eleven weeks, I have been working on personal projects, and have lost all motivation to work on the blog.
I have high hopes that a two-month hiatus–one month to rest and take the pressure off, another to get back into the swing of things–will help me recharge my batteries.
I appreciate all of you as readers. Thanks in advance for your understanding. Please stay safe in quarantine, and tend to your families.
These are all names for the same psychiatric condition, as the terminology has evolved over time. Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a common psychiatric condition developed in people who have seen or experienced a traumatic event.
These events can be directly experienced, such as combat or war, rape, or a natural disaster. But indirect exposure, such as the violent death of a close family member, can also trigger PTSD to develop.
PTSD can occur in people of all races, ages, nations, or cultures. Approximately 1 in 11 people will develop PTSD in their lifetimes. Women are 2 times as likely as men to suffer from PTSD.
June 27th is National PTSD Awareness Day in the US. Started in 2010 by Congress, the awareness day supports mental health organizations which target PTSD in educating communities and families about PTSD symptoms. Later, in 2014, Congress declared June National PTSD Awareness Month.
These organizations also encourage people who suffer from PTSD to get treatment. The US Department of Defense is majorly involved, as June has many awareness days celebrating the military.
Symptoms of PTSD affect people in four different ways. Each symptom differs in severity. People with PTSD can suffer:
Arousal and reactive symptoms, which may include irritability; reckless and self-destructive decisions; extreme jumpiness at loud noises or accidental touches; inability to concentrate or sleep; and angry outbursts.
Intense, distressing intrusive thoughts and worries related to the traumatic event long after it has ended; repeated, involuntary memories; disturbing dreams; and flashbacks which are so evocative that people feel like they are reliving the traumatic experience.
Avoidance of reminders of the traumatic event, which may include avoiding people and situations that create intrusive thoughts or disturbing memories. People may avoid talking about the event and how it makes them feel.
Distorted negative beliefs about themselves or others including things like, “I am an awful person,” or “I can’t trust anyone.” These negative thoughts and feelings can include anger, guilt, fear, shame, anhedonia (inability to enjoy usually enjoyable activities), or detachment or estrangement from others.
People who experience a traumatic event can suffer from these symptoms for days after the event, but to be diagnosed with PTSD, symptoms must persist for months or even years. Symptoms usually develop within three months of the event, but some may appear much later.
Posttraumatic stress disorder can be a devastating psychiatric condition, impacting every facet of people’s lives. While PTSD is a mental injury and not a mental illness, it interferes with the ability to function in daily life similar to conditions like bipolar disorder.
People who suffer from PTSD often also deal with other conditions, such as depression, substance abuse, and memory problems.
If you or a loved one suffer from PTSD, there is hope. Recovery programs abound nationwide, and processing your feelings with a therapist can help. There are even medications which can treat PTSD, such as clonidine for nightmares.
(For a post on getting a psychiatric evaluation, click here. For a post on how to start seeing a therapist, click here.)
Don’t give up hope. PTSD can be overcome with time and proper therapeutic treatments. You can heal from your traumatic event.
Do you have a new father in your life? Read how to support him and his family on this post by the Bipolar Parent!
Most everyone has heard of postpartum depression, the devastating mental health condition that affects many mothers after giving birth. But did you know that some researchers estimate that up to 25% of new fathers suffer depression in the first year after their child’s birth? And the number jumps to 50% if mom is also depressed.
We hear quite a bit about women’s transition to new motherhood, but very little about men’s transition to fatherhood. While supporting maternal mental health is a worthy goal and should continue, we need to support paternal mental health as well.
Immediately following Father’s Day on June 21st, 2020, is International Father’s Mental Health Day. Founded by Postpartum Support International’s Dr. Daniel Singley as well as paternal postpartum depression survivor Mark Williams, the awareness day aims to create social media buzz about the mental health of dads.
New Fatherhood Has Its Own Changes and Challenges
Having a new baby doesn’t just change the biology of women. Men undergo massive hormonal and biological changes as well. Testosterone goes down, prolactin goes up, and entire areas of a man’s brain grow. This equips the father to care for his newborn.
And aside from biological and hormonal changes, fatherhood brings its own unique stresses.
First, the partnership between the parents have changed. Sex is off the table, at least for a while, and sleep deprivation makes handling conflicts over parenting, finances, and other issues more difficult to handle–right when the conflicts ramp up.
The lack of emotional and physical intimacy, especially for men who depend entirely on their partner for emotional closeness, is a bitter pill to swallow for many new fathers.
Speaking of finances, a mother who has just given birth needs at least six weeks to recover, maybe more if she’s had a C-section. She will be out of work for at least that time. Since parental leave in the US is so abysmal, and new parents have very little support on a state and federal level, the stress for keeping the family afloat while the mother is recovering falls to the other parent.
The father may also feel that his bond with the new baby is not as strong as the mother’s bond, so he may feel left out of building a relationship with his newborn.
In addition, there are psychological stresses to parenting. The new dad must resolve conflicts about his own childhood and his own father, looking for a model for his own parenthood. If the new dad has a bad relationship with his own father, he may have to seek role models elsewhere–something few people do before impending fatherhood.
All of these stresses and conflicts impact a new dad’s mental health. As I said in the first paragraph, up to 25% of new fathers suffer depression in the first year of their baby’s life.
How to Support Our Fathers
The mental health of our fathers matters, and not just for the father himself.
If the father of the household is emotionally healthy, he can better respond to a newborn’s cries and model emotional resilience to his children. When a father is emotionally supported, he can be a better partner, and maternal mental health improves.
But a dad, especially a new dad, should not be supported just because his mental health impacts others. The father is a human being with his own unique struggles who needs help from not only the people around him, but state and federal governments.
If you have a new dad in your life, offer him and his parenting partner a meal. Check in with the parents on a regular basis, especially after the first two months, when most support around them has usually dried up. Offer an ear to the new father (and mother) if your relationship is close–and even if it isn’t.
Join organizations such as Postpartum Support International, and see what you can do to advocate for new parents, especially fathers, who are often left out of mental health conversations. Include new dads in these conversations as much as possible.
As for the governmental level, write your senator or representative to insist on paternal leave policies in your state. There are many benefits to paternity leave:
Fathers who stay home with their newborns develop a greater bond with their babies, which lasts long into the child’s life.
Children whose dads stayed home with them have better mental health and cognitive test scores than those children whose fathers stayed away.
And the mental and physical health of mothers whose parenting partners stayed with them–and set up an equal parenting relationship–was greatly improved.
Paid parental leave policies are crucial for the mental health of both parents and their children.
Washington state has just passed a state-wide policy requiring three months of paid leave for fathers who work at large companies, occurring any time within the first year of infancy.
My brother-in-law, a new dad himself, is taking two months off of work in June and July to spend time with his wife and baby. (He took one off earlier, when the policy was less robust.)
My sister told me that having her husband work at home during the coronavirus outbreak was wonderful for their little family. He helped her cook and clean, bonded with their baby, and supported her mental health by opening up communication on tough issues they’d been facing in their relationship.
Paid paternity leave is a wonderful way to support our new fathers.
Our dads, especially new dads, need our help. Society has neglected them and told them that in order to remain strong, they must stuff their anxiety and depression. This does a disservice to the men in our lives.
The benefits to emotionally supporting a father are numerous. Fathers need support not only on a personal level, but also governmental. We need to advocate for them and include them in mental health conversations.
With a concentrated effort, we may be able to lower the incidence rate of depression among new fathers.
When you’re suffering from a mental illness like bipolar disorder, some days are worse than others. You will have days where you wake up stressed, depressed, and feeling unloved. Your brain often tells you that you’re worthless, that you don’t deserve love, and that you shouldn’t expend the energy to take care of yourself–and that no one else will either.
So how do you get through a bad mental health day?
The answer is self-care. Self-care is the act of taking responsibility for your physical and mental well-being. That’s it. That’s all self-care is.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Observed in May since 1949, the awareness month aims to educate families and communities about mental illnesses, and support those who struggle with them. One of the best ways to take care of yourself during a mental illness is to practice self-care.
Here are 8 easy, frugal ways to practice self-care when you’re facing a horrible day:
1. Get Out of the House
I know, I know, when you’re feeling down in the dumps, you don’t want to go outside. You’d rather stay in your dark, gloomy bedroom, which is far more comfortable that going outside in a winter drizzle. But trust me, getting outside, even when the sky is overcast, is crucial for your mental health.
Sunshine entering your eyes has a huge impact on your mood. Even if the sky is cloudy, you’ll be absorbing a therapeutic amount of sun–10,000 lux, or units of light. Absorbing this lux helps lower your blood pressure and engender feelings of contentment. A therapy light box uses up to 10,000 units. During the summer, the sun shines up to 30,000 lux.
During the winter, without absorbing the sun, many people suffer from the winter blues, also known as seasonal affective disorder (SAD). For more strategies on how to combat the winter blues, click here.
So getting outside, even for a brief walk, is critical to manage a bad mental health day. Even sitting in a sun puddle in front of a window can help, though walking outside also helps because you’re getting some exercise, too. Try it today.
2. Practice Hygiene
If your energy level is so low that even showering and brushing your teeth sound like onerous chores, then at least use baby wipes or a damp rag, and mouthwash. Washing your face, arms, and the back of your neck will help you feel better. And mouthwash will enable your mouth to feel fresh for a little while.
Practicing hygiene this way only takes a few minutes. You have nothing to lose by trying.
3. Do a Full-Body Check
Performing a full body-check can help you tune into your needs. Sit in a chair or lie down on your bed. Mentally examine your whole body, starting with your toes.
How do your toes feel? Are they sore? Cold? Too warm? How about your shins? How about your hips? Belly? And so on. Keep asking these questions about each of your body parts.
Next, ask yourself how you’re feeling in general. Are you hungry? Thirsty? Tired? When is the last time you’ve eaten or drank water? Can you take a nap?
After you’re done asking questions, start addressing the problems that may have cropped up. Go feed yourself, and drink water. Take a shower if you can, or use baby wipes. Take a nap.
Doing a full-body check can help you identify issues with your body as well as solutions to those issues. Just try it.
4. Take Your Medication
This tip is more preventative than reactionary, but if you have prescribed pills and haven’t swallowed them today, make sure to take them.
If you have fast-acting anti-anxiety meds, for example, then by all means take them if you’re feeling anxious. Sleep aids can also help you take a nap or get a good night’s sleep. Don’t be afraid or ashamed that you need the extra medical help. That’s what your medication is there for.
5. Talk to Someone You Trust
Letting someone you trust know about your bad mental health day can help you feel listened to and empathized with. If the people around you understand your struggles, then you may feel less alone.
Some therapists, if you have one, offer emergency counseling sessions. For a post on how to start seeing a therapist, click here.
If you can’t get a hold of your therapist or you don’t have one, then call or text a trusted friend. If you’re truly alone, then call a warmline or visit an online support group.
6. Appeal to Your Senses
When you’re struggling with a bad mental health day, appealing to your senses is a good way to center yourself.
There are several ways to engage your senses: burn incense or a candle (scent), eat some chocolate (taste), apply lotion to your hands and face (touch), look at a beautiful picture of a forest (sight), or listen to your favorite soothing song (hearing).
If you appeal to your senses, you can ground yourself in the present moment. It’s almost like meditation. Give it a try today.
7. Get Lost in a Book
One of my favorite ways to distract myself is to get lost in an imaginative book. Being transported to another world, reading about people who solve problems that aren’t my own, is a wonderful way to focus on something other than my sad state.
If you can concentrate on reading, try getting lost in a book today. Just pull your favorite off your bookshelf, or find a free one online.
8. Lower Your Expectations of Yourself
On a bad mental health day, just getting through the day is enough. You’re not at your best, so you’re not going to be able to be as productive as you usually are. Bid goodbye to guilt about not being on the go.
Our capitalistic societies (in the US especially) expect us to perform like cogs in the machine. But you are human, and you struggle with a mental illness. You are enough just the way you are.
Everyone suffers from a bad mental health day from time to time. These 8 tips can’t cure a mental health day, but may be able to help you manage one. If you can only manage one, that’s okay.
Just pick your favorite off the list, one you can handle, and try it today.
This is true always, but is especially true as a parent stuck at home during self-quarantine for the coronavirus pandemic.
But what is self-care? A lot of people think self-care ideas are limited to bubble baths and painting their nails. But that’s just not true.
Self-care is taking responsibility for your physical and mental well-being. That’s it.
There are 7 types of self-care: physical, emotional, relational, social, intellectual, spiritual, and safety and security self-care.
Read on for self-care ideas you can do while stuck at home that cover all 7 of these areas.
Make notes of the ideas that apply to your life or that you want to try, and see which ones you can incorporate your children into. Put a C by those ideas. Next, put an I by those ideas that you need independent me-time for. We’ll come back to this later.
Some of these ideas are taken from a sheet given to me by the teachers at Lake Washington Toddler Group.
Physical Self-Care Ideas
Physical needs are usually the most insistent. When we’re hungry, we feel it in our bellies and throats. Here are some ideas on how to meet our physical needs. Some of these are done alone, and some are best done with others:
Go on a long walk outside with your child in the stroller or sling.
Drink plenty of water.
If you do get sick, call your medical providers and let them know, to see if you need to come in to their offices.
Emotional Self-Care Ideas
Emotional self-care is ensuring that you are emotionally and mentally healthy. You need to express a range of feelings in order to take care of yourself emotionally. Here are some ideas to meet your emotional needs:
Prioritize the activities that make you happy.
Spend time alone each day.
Check in with your therapist if they offer virtual visits.
Indulge in a good, cleansing cry.
Listen to a comedy show.
Watch a movie that you love.
Say no to extra responsibilities.
Relational Self-Care Ideas
Relational self-care is ensuring your relationships with your family members are strong. Familial relationships are critical for good mental health, as without them you may feel alone and unsupported. And with all the time you’re spending with your family during the coronavirus crisis, you can deepen your relationships with them. Relational self-care ideas include:
Cuddle, kiss, and hug your children.
Make love to your partner, if you have one and you have a sexual relationship.
Play a game with your family.
Play a game specifically with your partner, after your kids have gone to bed.
Establish healthy boundaries around alone time for everyone, and respect those boundaries.
Social self-care is strengthening relationships with those outside your immediate family. Socialization is so important to your mental health, even if you’re an introvert. It’s part of the Maslow’s hierarchy of needs pyramid. Ideas for social self-care include:
Check in with family and friends via Facetime, Skype, phone calls, or texts.
Ask friends and family to remind you that things will be okay, and that what you’re feeling is temporary.
Cuddle with your immediate family or a pet.
Schedule time each day to talk to another adult.
Intentionally reconnect with someone you’ve lost touch with or have unresolved conflict with.
Leave a funny voicemail for someone you care about.
Intellectual self-care is looking after your intellectual pursuits and critical thinking skills. One of the best ways to develop your intellectual self-care repitoire is to engage in creative pursuits. Here are some intellectual self-care ideas while you’re stuck at home:
Check your library’s website for their online catalog, and check out some books to read on your phone or ereader.
Read books slightly above your child’s grade level to them.
Listen to podcasts or audio books while you work.
If your child is doing an art project, sit down with them and create your own art.
Write something, be it a blog, stories, or a personal journal.
Watch documentaries on TV, from the library, or on a streaming service.
Identify a project that would be challenging and rewarding, and then plan to do it.
Return to old hobbies that you may not have pursued since the birth of your children.
Spiritual Self-Care Ideas
Spiritual self-care is not synonymous with religion, though it can take the form of attending church services and praying to a higher power. It’s a search for purpose and understanding in the universe, and expressing values that are important to us. Spiritual self-care ideas include:
Pray or meditate, especially in front of your children.
Volunteer to pick up groceries for an elderly friend or neighbor.
Write in a journal to reflect upon your new life.
Be open to inspiration and awe.
Contribute to causes you believe in.
Spend time outside in your front yard or on your balcony.
Attend religious services online.
Safety and Security Self-Care Ideas
Safety and security self-care involves having health insurance and being smart about your personal safety. Understanding the financial sphere falls under this type of self-care. Many people wait to evaluate their safety or finances until they’re in trouble. Don’t do that. Make sure you have contingency plans. Here are some ideas for safety and security self-care that you can do while stuck at home:
Check out an ebook from the library on investing, and read it.
Read backlogs of articles on personal finance sites.
Double-check your locks. Change them if someone might have a key that you don’t want to.
Order a locking mailbox on Amazon and install it when it arrives.
Change your internet passwords.
Call your insurance company and find out if they cover virtual medical appointments.
Go through your credit card statements line by line and see if there are any charges that you don’t recognize.
Examine your bills (utilities, cell phone, internet, streaming services). Find out if there are any fees you don’t want, and call the companies to see if those fees can be waived.
Self-care isn’t complex. But it can be difficult to think of ideas to do, especially while you’re stuck at home with your kids due to the coronavirus pandemic.
Review your list to see which ideas you can incorporate your children into and which ideas you need me-time for.
If you’ve placed a C next to the ones you can do with your children and an I for ones you need independent time for, then pick out one or two that you can do tomorrow.
Start with the C ideas. Once you’ve performed some self-care alongside your children, find some time to work on the I ideas.
(For a post on how to find time for self-care as a parent stuck at home, click here.)
Self-care, especially independent self-care, can make you feel better. You may soon see the rewards–for yourself and for your family–of a little bit of me-time.
I also shared a daily schedule my toddler and I try to follow, which had room for eating, sleeping, outside time, and work, but not much else.
So how do you find the time to do self-care when you’re stuck at home with small children–and you need to work?
Here are some practical tips that you might want to try while in self-quarantine.
Tip #1: Fill Your Child’s “Tanks”
Sometimes, your kids whine and glom onto you like limpets. That’s usually when they have a physical or emotional need.
Often, before you separate from your children to perform self-care for yourself, you need to fill their physical or emotional “tanks.”
Spend a little time with your children before jetting off, and you’re less likely to be interrupted when you do go take that bubble bath.
Set them up with a snack, give them some kisses and cuddles, and play racecar driver with them. Listen to your tween’s ramblings about Minecraft for a while. You’ll be glad you did.
Generally, the happier your kids are when you leave them (provided they can be left; toddlers can’t, which I’ll cover in the next tip), the more time you’ll be able to take for yourself.
Tip #2: Preplan STEAM Projects
This follows my tip #5 from yesterday: to keep your child entertained and busy on their own with independent play, prepare STEM/Art, or STEAM projects. STEM stands for Science, Technology, Engineering. and Math. With Art, that’s STEAM.
Yesterday, I listed several activities my 3-year-old has done and the supplies we have on our crafting shelf. I won’t list them all again here, but if you’re looking for ideas for a toddler, check them out.
As I write this, she was sorting through buttons with a clothespin, placing them into a cup. She worked on fine motor skills and shape recognition, both parts of STEAM for a toddler. She also worked on counting, as she counted the buttons, and pattern recognition as she sorted them by color.
STEAM activities are as simple as that. The last time she did this activity, she entertained herself for an hour with minimal input from me.
This time, she lasted about 20 minutes, and then we made purple playdough. She’s currently kneading and rolling out the homemade dough, then cutting it into shapes with cookie cutters. So far, she’s been entertained for 45 minutes by the playdough alone, enabling me to write.
In preplanning activities, I printed a calendar for March, and spent a couple of hours listing one activity per day. We do this project at 1pm every afternoon. The calendar has taken a lot of the pressure off of me to think of something every day.
Take a couple of hours to preplan activities and write them down on a calendar for April. You can pick up supplies at any grocery store or order them on Amazon.
Preparing STEAM projects takes a little up front work, but the payoff of more time for work–or, preferably, self-care–is worth it.
Tip #3: Prepare Meals on the Weekends
This tip is similar to tip #2: prepare meals on the weekends, also known as meal prepping. If you do as much upfront work on your meals as possible, you don’t have to make dinner during the week.
This saves a huge amount of time, some of which can be used for self-care.
Slow cooker “dump meals” are meals where you place all the ingredients in a Ziploc bag and then dump them in the slow cooker on the morning you want to cook it. The food cooks all day and smells wonderful, tastes great at night, and takes minimal prep on the weekend.
Brown all your ground beef on Saturdays. Chop all your vegetables. Bake and shred that chicken. Soak and cook those beans.
Make cooking a family activity. All hands on deck means less work for you, and the kids get to learn something, too.
There are many websites on the internet devoted to meal prepping. Type that term into your preferred browser’s search bar, and you will find sites that list recipes, meal plans, and shopping lists for a week’s meals or more.
Tip #4: Get Support from Your Partner
If you’re lucky to have a partner isolating himself or herself with you, count your blessings.
If you’re burned out and need a little bit of me-time, ask your partner for some support. Ask them to watch the kids for an hour while you take a nap.
Most partners are supportive if you ask, but sometimes we don’t know how to ask or even what we need. Figure that out before you approach your partner.
Take some time after the kids are in bed to make a list of self-care ideas that appeal to you, and the time each will take. Then figure out what is reasonable to ask of your partner.
Don’t be afraid to ask; the worst thing they can say is no, and that opens up a chance for you two to have a conversation.
Be sure to reciprocate as well. If your partner offers you an hour to yourself, offer them the same in return.
These times are stressful for everyone, especially parents with bipolar disorder who also have to work at home. You’re wearing many hats: homeschooler, partner, parent, employee, and mental illness manager.
Self-care is critical for your survival. You have to eat, sleep, and spend time by yourself so you have a chance to breathe.
Take care of yourself. Stay healthy.
I wish you well in your journey.
Tune in next week for types of self-care, as well as several self-care ideas for parents with bipolar disorder isolated at home with their kids.
March is Self-Harm Awareness Month. How to spot signs of self-injury in your teen.
Trigger Warning: This post contains discussions of self-harm and suicide. If you are suffering from suicidal thoughts, please talk with someone from the Suicide Prevention LifeLine at 1-800-273-8255 or www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
Self-injury or self-harm is practically the opposite of self-care.
People sometimes mirror emotional pain with physical pain. Sometimes, suffering people, especially teenagers, cut or burn themselves as a release valve. When they hurt themselves physically, the emotional pain often lessens. Other times, suffering people hurt themselves because they feel emotionally numb, and just want to feel something.
People who self-injure are heavily stigmatized. They are often labeled as attention seekers, especially girls, who are more likely to self-harm.
But self-harm is surprisingly common. Up to 15% of teenagers self-injure, as opposed to 4% of adults. An estimated 90% of self-harm starts around age 14, and continues into the late 20s. Self-harm crosses all boundaries: gender, social-economic, races, beliefs, and ages.
March is Self-harm Awareness Month in the U.S. The organizers have set aside March to combat self-injury stigma. For people who want to wear a ribbon to raise awareness of the issue, the color to wear to support people who self-harm is orange.
Signs of Self-Harm
Finding out that your teenager self-harms can be a shock. Most people who self-harm are able to hide their injuries successfully, or explain them away as accidental cuts and burns.
Be on the lookout for these common signs of self-injury:
Wearing long sleeves and heavy coats and sweaters even in the hot, summer months
Frequent, scabbed-over injuries on the arms or legs
Repeated excuses as to how or why the teen became injured
Isolation or withdrawal from normally pleasurable activities.
If you discover that your teen is self-injuring, you can help them address their self-harm. It’s not too late to seek help. Take them to a competent therapist who specializes in children and teenagers.
For a post on how to start seeing a therapist, click here. For a post on how to get a psychiatric evaluation, click here.
Suicide and Self-harm
Surprisingly, suicidal ideation is rarely a cause of self-harm. Most people who self-harm don’t want to die, they just want to release the pressure on themselves. Many people who self-injure do so to avoid suicide. However, those who have self-harmed are much more likely to attempt suicide or plan for it. The emotional distress that causes self-harm can cause suicidal ideation if not treated.
Self-injury Awareness Month is a time to set aside and combat stigma, especially gender-based stigma of girls as attention seekers. If it won’t put you in danger, try to be open about mental health and recovery. Too many people suffer in silence because they’re afraid of being judged.
If you or a loved one, especially your teens, engage in self-harm, it’s not too late to seek help. You can overcome this, together. Educate yourself about the disease of self-injury. Support your loved one, and, if you self-harm, try to perform self-care as a counter balance.
Hello, hello! Welcome to The Bipolar Parent’s (Belated) Saturday Morning Mental Health Check in: Keto Edition! Thanks for stopping by.
First, I apologize for this post being late. I completely forgot to write it on Friday, and on Saturday, I was ridiculously busy, which I’ll go into below. Sorry about that!
Secondly, how are you? How’s life treating you? Do you attend religious services? Are you on a diet, like me? How are the kids? What are you struggling with? What are your parenting challenges this week? Let me know in the comments; I genuinely want to get to know you.
I started the keto (extremely low-carb, moderate protein, high fat) diet with my husband to help us both shed some extra weight we’ve been carrying around.
I am currently 190.4 pounds, and have lost 2 pounds since Tuesday. But, since my weight tends to fluctuate over the day, I am not counting the loss until I lose at least 6-8 pounds.
The last time I tried the keto diet, I ended up with massive headaches and brain fog for the first week. A while back, my sister recommended magnesium supplements for headaches. As I don’t absorb magnesium through supplementation very well, I was elated to find out that pumpkin seeds, which have 0g net carbs due to their high fiber content, give me 50% of the recommended daily value of magnesium for a 1/4 cup serving.
Now, eating the pumpkin seeds, I have had very few headaches, and am snapping out of the brain fog much more quickly. It’s such a relief.
As for being busy on Saturday, I cleaned the house because my husband and I planned to go on a date that afternoon, and I wanted the house to be nice for the babysitters, a trusted couple from our church.
The whole family pitched in to clean the house, and we got it done in time for our date at 1pm. I should have spread the cleaning out over the week, but I’ve been dealing with depression/exhaustion/brain fog from the change in my diet.
But it hasn’t been a bad week, not at all. I’ve been able to maintain a positive attitude, which helps immensely. Hopefully next week will be even better.
Dating with a mental illness, especially bipolar disorder, can be a minefield to navigate. You need to find someone who will support you in all aspects of life, including your struggles with your mental conditions.
Finding such a person can be daunting. A lot of people who have little experience with mental illnesses tend to think that people with bipolar disorder are “crazy” and out of control. Stigma and awful stereotypes are very real. Some people may bolt as soon as they hear the word “bipolar.”
You have to communicate honestly with your significant other about your disorder, but first you have to disclose to them that you have one. But when do you disclose to your dates that you have more to deal with than a neurotypical person?
Honesty is the Best Policy
You may have a million questions when it come to dating. For example, when do you disclose your illness? Will you be honest on the first date or will you wait until you’ve gotten to know your date before letting them know? If you can’t work and are on disability due to your illness, how do you explain what you do? When do you let your date know if you’re on meds?
Unfortunately, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer to these questions. Dating looks different for everyone regardless of their mental conditions. When you disclose should always be up to you.
If you are just dating casually, disclosing your mental illness isn’t that important. But if you are looking for a long-term relationship, disclosing that you suffer from mood episodes should be your highest priority.
If you can hide your illness and let your boyfriend or girlfriend know months into a relationship that you’ve been keeping something so big a secret from him or her, then he or she might feel betrayed and break up with you, or worse.
When it comes to dating with an illness that is hard to hide and impacts your life every single day, then honesty is the best policy. Letting your date know on the second or third date, before either of you has invested too much into the relationship, is better than waiting until you’ve moved in together.
Tell your date about your disorder before you make any long-term commitments to that person. Explain what he or she can expect when you suffer a mood episode. Let them know what steps you usually take to manage your disorder, and the treatment team you have in place.
This way, your partner won’t be shocked when your moods and behaviors suddenly shift, and may even be prepared to help you through your mood episode.
Explaining your mental illness to your dates before you make a long-term commitment is crucial for your relationship to thrive.
Some people may run for the hills when you disclose your struggles. Let them. They wouldn’t have been capable of supporting you or committing to the whole you anyway. Find someone else who you know will be able to remain strong in the face of your mental illness.
Dating with a mental illness can be difficult. But if you are honest with your date about your mental condition before feelings start to grow, then you avoid the risk of alienating them and suffering from a hard breakup.
How are you? I genuinely want to know. My week has been busy.
Hello, hello! Welcome to the Bipolar Parent’s Saturday Morning Mental Health Check in: Lightbox Edition!
How are you? Have you been getting some sun this week? How’s the weather holding up for you? How’s your mood been this week? What are you struggling with recently? What challenges have you been facing in parenting? Please let me know in the comments; I genuinely want to know.
My week has been busy.
On Tuesday, I had an appointment with my primary care physician, who ordered blood tests to see if there are physical causes to my depression. I wasn’t fasting (I’d eaten snack at toddler group with my kiddo before the appointment), so I couldn’t take the blood tests until Wednesday, which I did.
On Thursday, I saw my psychiatrist. He boosted my dose of antidepressant (Wellbutrin), prescribed an anti-anxiety med (which starts with a B, but I can’t recall the name), and told me to get a lightbox, as I probably have seasonal affective disorder. He said the lightbox will probably cost $150-500 and may be reimbursed by insurance.
I told my husband about the lightbox, and his immediate response was, “Okay, I’ve ordered one on Amazon. It should be here tomorrow.” He told me that the one I needed (with 10,000 lux, or units of light) was on sale for $30. A second lightbox was on sale for $25, so he bought that one, too. So now I have two, one for my bedroom and one for my desk. I adore my husband.
On Friday, I walked to the store, pushing Toddler in the stroller, to pick up my prescriptions. Apparently the pharmacy only received orders for the antidepressant. I called my psych doc and left a message asking the office to re-fax the prescription order. I always play phone tag with them, which is extremely frustrating.
Taking care of my mental health is so difficult and expensive. There are multiple doctors involved, and our insurance has a high deductible which just reset this January. The antidepressant prescription was $51. So, with the addition of the lightboxes, that’s over $100 spent just this week, not to mention the cost of the doctor’s appointments.
I’ve also eaten out for lunch every day this week. Not because I couldn’t plan ahead and pack sandwiches, but because I’m depressed, and one of the ways I find myself trying to feel better is going to restaurants. It works in the moment, but afterwards I feel buyer’s remorse as each fast food meal is forgettable, unhealthy, and expensive.
Spending this much on myself makes me weak in the knees. My husband would say that I am worth the cost, and “it’s just money.” Having grown up below the poverty line, I am struggling with prioritizing my own wellbeing.
But I need to, if not for me, then at least for my kids. They deserve a mother who is sound in mind and body. I need to prioritize my own contentment. And stop going out to eat unless it’s a special treat, like our family Sunday brunch.